To those who dont get it, to the ones who dont understand. Quit trying, you will never understand. Its my life and i dont get it. Quit trying to loop me into a crowd, keep talking about me behind my back. This is my life. If you love me i feel like you would understand I feel you would be okay with not understanding things. My family and I have been through so much in the past few years. We survived. I have healthy adjusted children. I own a home i rent out and i maintain another. I have two very high need children in this world of mine. I do what I can.  I dont always know what i am doing but i try. I have learned to do my best by educating myself and asking for help. If you truelly do want to help someone, than pkease ask "how can I help"? With all do respect please do not make suggestions at this point i have tried all the options I Know. We have had my child to a dozen doctors it seems and it boils Down to this I am her mother, I make choices based on what i perceive to be best. I pray God leads me through the right doors, and he closes the others very very tight. By nature i am a kind and giving person. Right now I do not feel it. I fight for my marraige as the normal and not so normal struggles loom down and threaten to take over. I need you family, friends, and strangers to give is respect and love. I am so greatful for the family that has stepped in more times than i can count. I am greatful to lookback and see those moments in time you too were scared but you helped. random phone calls from aquntances, food on my step. People who dont mind hanging out with a family that doesnt have a church family to call home. Thank you! For loving us, thank you for the horse lessons, the halloween candy my kid can actually eat. For the kindess and patience as we figure this out. Prayers the lord will bless you in only the ways he can. He sees your heart and he knows your sacrifices.